Good evening everyone! Oliver B. Styles is here to help B. and S. educate the world on a very important topic: anal sex. While I know this is a topic that makes a lot of people either cringe, or jump up and down with excitement, all points of view must be openly discussed. Admittedly, I was a fan of it while secretly dating the well-packaged anonymous porn actor Rod Daily we have all come to love on the show. Tragically, that relationship is over ... and so is that sex in my life for now. I do miss him ... sigh. But life goes on ... and Oliver B. will continue to work for you.
"The Fine Print: We're Calling 'B.S.'" received several listener letters related to the topic of discussion tonight. Rather than answer the letters themselves, your hosts have asked that I offer my expertise in this area to answer all your anal inquiries. After responding to each and every listener letter directly, I have saved the best for last. One listener in particular, whom shall remain anonymous from even your hosts, sent a letter that I felt needed to be made public and answered for all to read. It was such an inspiring letter that I simply had to make my response a public discussion. Hopefully, this listener will read this blog and know that there is no subject so taboo that you can't seek some advice from others without judgment. "The Fine Print" is about safe, and real, conversations without judging others. So, without further delay, I give you the letter sent from an anonymous listener:
Dear B.S.,
I have been married for a few years and have always considered myself to be purely heterosexual. Later in life, I began doing a little research about sex and pleasure spots in both men and women, and was surprised to learn that the primary pleasure spot for males (other than the penis), which is sometimes referred to as the male "g spot", is near the prostate.
My wife and I had often been adventurous with adult toys to spice things up. One day, out of curiosity, I decided to experiment with an anal stimulator for men. I had never experienced that type of pleasure before. After that, I tried a larger, longer toy. It was even better. I have used the toys on myself mostly, but I have had my wife use it on me a few times as well.
I still enjoy straight sex with women, but this has made me curious about "expanding my options" for sexual partners. Thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
[Anonymous]
Wow! What a letter. Thank you Anonymous for submitting it. I am glad I get to be the one to respond. I hope I do this letter justice. I think the best way to handle my advice is to give it in pieces as I react to what I read in your letter.
The first part of the letter that stands out is that you consider yourself to be purely heterosexual. As Bryan and Seterria have mentioned many times, sex is beyond gender. Who you love is very different from what gets you off. So, I believe I should start this response by letting you know that none of your sexual desires necessarily reflect a sexual orientation. All people can be sexually stimulated from a variety of things. In fact, heterosexual men in many studies are very prone to achieving erections when viewing gay porn. And yet, they wouldn't dream of marrying a man or loving him. It's a bit simplistic to say it this way, but hopefully you understand what I am trying to say. No matter what your sexual desires may be, your sexual orientation is defined by your subjective opinion. Just because something turns you on, it does not then dictate your identity forever. That is not to say that you can not develop these feelings for someone outside of the typical heterosexual relationship. All I want to say is that whatever you feel about yourself is okay. Don't let something as pedestrian as a label stop you from being what YOU feel YOU should be.
I am glad you did your research because you are right: the real pleasure center for men is the prostate. Notice our primate cousins also find that same area pleasurable. Evolution certainly carried forward a treat for men from our animal ancestors, didn't it? Many men don't seem to realize that this area is a gold mine for their own pleasure. I will admit that more and more men are learning of this secret hideaway of heavenly heat. Nowadays, more men are doing exactly what you are doing: spicing up the bedroom with toys. Just take a look at some of the most popular pornography for proof. There are more videos of women wearing strap-ons with their men, more men experiencing anilingus, more men receiving fingers in their back doors, and (my favorite) the first time straight guy having sex with another guy and squealing with glee at the sensations. Essentially ... men have loved their penises all their lives, and are now realizing how much fun they can have with his next door neighbor, the anus. Welcome to better pleasure! And I am impressed that you have done what most don't realize: start slow and work your way into more and more. Starting with a small toy and slowly moving larger helps ensure that you stay in touch with your muscles, which is crucial if you decide to continue down this road. The control is the guarantee that the experience stays pleasurable. Kudos to you for having a wife that was willing to spice up the bedroom by allowing this exploration. A woman can only do so much, and experiment so much, so I applaud her trying.
But moving aside from the wife, the most important part of your letter needs to be addressed now. At the end of your letter you stated that although you still enjoy straight sex (with women), you've developed a curiosity about "expanding your sexual options" and perhaps seeking sex with a male. Now this is the tricky part of my response because so many different factors affect how my answer can change. If you are a married man, then you MUST discuss this with your spouse. They deserve to be in the loop. If you already have a wife who allows spice, she may be comfortable with a one-time rendezvous with a male. Not every woman would, so be aware of this. If she is comfortable with it, then that's great. Once you do it, you'll know for sure what you want. So, let's pretend for a minute that under any circumstance (married, single, divorced, separated, whatever) that applies to you, you are free to explore. I am a firm believer in experimenting with sex before you declare something is off limits. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it? With that said, I would encourage any man who feels a desire to try a sex act to expand his options without shame or delay. A hole is a hole, of course, of course? Of course not! This is a very different level of sex that every man must dare to experience. So do it!
The question becomes, how can I explore my options with sexual partners? This can be a difficult question. Unfortunately many men have turned to Craigslist (which is sleaze with a wide web connection) and all the diseases and potential murders it brings. I do not recommend this as a way to explore. Exploring your sexual horizons should not take you to the gutter; it should uplift you. So keep that in mind as you explore your options. If you feel like you should be wearing dark shades and only going to meet this person under the cover of darkness, maybe it's not the best situation for you.
I would say that the best suggestion for exploring your options, and luckily I have seen this in recent porns situated to your circumstances (so more men will get this idea), is to find a friend who is willing to help you experiment. This should be a male friend (gay, straight, other, undecided) who is experienced in this area. I would not advise exploring a new sexual experience like this with a novice like yourself. If you are truly going to determine whether you like the experience or not, you will need someone who knows what they are doing, and is willing to do exactly what you want. If you get exactly what you want and don't like it, then you know. If you get whatever you get, and don't like it, you'll never know what could have been. So search through your mind to find that one friend you 1) trust with the information, 2) know is willing to give you the sexual experience you desire, 3) is able to give that experience to you, and 4) is willing to give it to you as often as you desire if necessary. This friend will be able to counsel you on your journey, and make sure you get the right information for what you're doing. This friend should also be open-minded enough to take your desires to a better level than even you imagine. Can you think of that person?
So, the first step is to find the right playmate for your experience. The next step is to arrange a meeting with this playmate. This is not a hook-up-then-go situation. You should be prepared for at least a day of fun. The first time Rod and I were together was a two-day session filled with drinks, talking, and all the naughty things I wanted to do to explore my desires. We all know Rod Daily is the ultimate expert in anal sex, so I was quite lucky that he had become friends with Bryan and Seterria. I had an expert right at my disposal. Who could have made a better first for me? There were so many things I wanted to do, I didn't want time to constrain our activities. You should set aside at least a day for yourself. You want to be able to have multiple climaxes during the day from experimenting with multiple activities. Hopefully, you are capable of multiples, because anyone with experience will be ready to go again and again.
Now, before this meeting happens you should follow this next step: communicate your fantasy. I know you have pictured how you would like this exploration to play out. Do you want to do some role playing? Do you just want the lights off? Or on? What is your fantasy? Take a moment to describe exactly what sort of experience you are looking for to your playmate. And give him enough time to make sure that he can provide this to you. Unless your fantasy is extraordinarily elaborate a day or so is plenty of time. You do not have to make a list of items you may need. Just paint him a picture of what you are looking for in the experience. If he's worth the experience, he can take it from there. This is why I suggest a friend as your playmate. You want someone who is going to care enough about making it an enjoyable experience to pay attention to your fantasies. No, not in an "I Love You, Man" way. Friends go the extra mile for each other because of the friendship ... nothing deeper. That's what friends are for.
At this point we should talk about the experience itself. Communication is key. Make sure you tell him what you are enjoying and what is making you uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to get the service you want. Again, this is why a friend is better; you shouldn't feel nervous about having open communication.
And finally, after this is all over, you will surely have enjoyed yourself. The common worry here is that if you enjoyed the experience it means you are gay. That is not the case. It's okay to enjoy yourself. Just because you like anal sex, doesn't mean you're gay. It means you're alive! But if, after having this experience, you find an attraction to your friend, that is something you should voice as well. It may be that you are bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual ... just something other than straight. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the company of someone on a deeper level even if they are the "wrong" gender. Who knows ... the experience may help you discover the love of your life. It happens. If it does happen, you'll deal with it. If it doesn't, you still have a good friend who is available for your exploratory needs without the romantic trappings of dating. I see that as a win/ win situation.
Anonymous, I want to thank you again for sharing this with the show. I hope I have provided you all the information you need to make good choices going forward. If you need any further information, or if you need a friend to experiment with, please contact the show again and I'll be happy to continue this communication right to your bedroom.
Here's to experimentation. Cheers!
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